lasultrix

screw_it

Terry’s first time travel mission for the Ministry of Magic began with disaster. Terry had found an empty vacant lot, spent a few minutes convincing himself that he wouldn’t cause the universe to collapse, then twirled the dial on the edge of the gold pocket watchhe was carrying. He felt an unpleasant squeezing sensation, as if he was being forced through a painfully small opening, and opened his eyes to see a dark haired man brandishing a wand at him.

“Who are you, and how did you get past my wards?” he demanded.

“What wards?”

“Wards to stop people from Apparating into my flat. Stop playing innocent.”

From the corner of his eye, Terry noticed that he was no longer in the vacant lot, but in a rather musty kitchen. Of course, he realised, the vacant lot hadn’t always been vacant.

“I didn’t Apparate,” Terry said in what was hopefully a calming
tone. “I mean no harm. I’m from the future.”

He ventured a step forwards, and the man reacted immediately by flourishing his wand and saying “Petrificus Totalus! Expelliarmus!”

Terry nearly toppled over with the force of the petrifying spell, but the wall broke his fall. This was not a good start.

“What do you mean, you’re from the future?” Terry’s captor demanded. His face was contorted with a glare.

Terry did his best to indicate with muffled grunts that he couldn’t talk until the spell came off. The man’s glare only became more intense. It occurred to Terry for the first time that the man was reacting rather intensely to his presence. Terry wondered if the man would kill him, then realised that that was irrational. Probably.

Instead, the man muttered the counter-charm under his breath, then kept his wand pointed at Terry. “Don’t make any sudden movements,” he said. “How did you get here?”

“We’ve invented a new type of time turner,” Terry told him. “It takes you years back in time, not just hours. No one’s really sure if it works yet, so I’m testing it. I guess it works. By the way, what year is this?”

“I’m asking the questions,” the man snapped. “If this time-turner is supposedly so risky, then why are you testing it with a wizard and not an animal or a Muggle?”

Terry knew he ought to feel at least somewhat indignant that the man considered Muggles to be as disposable as animals, especially considering that Terry’s own mother was a Muggle, but mostly he just felt irritated.

“Because we felt like it,” Terry snapped back. “I volunteered, I knew the risks, and we need to know quickly if the time-turner works.”

“Fine,” he said. “It works. Congratulations. It’s 1978. Go away now.”

“I actually can’t,” Terry said with some trepidation. “We haven’t invented a way to travel forwards in time yet. I’m supposed to wait here until someone comes to find me and tell me how to get back home.”

“You volunteered to get stranded in the past with no idea if you could ever leave?” the man asked, for once sounding more curious than antagonistic. “What, are you stupid?”

Terry really didn’t want to get into his reasons for volunteering. To distract the man, he said “Incidentally, I’m supposed to stay in roughly the same location while I’m in the past, to make it easier for them to find.”

“What do you mean, ‘roughly’?” the man asked, narrowing his eyes.

“Like, I probably shouldn’t leave the flat.” Terry could see that the man was reacting badly, so he quickly continued. “It probably won’t be for longer than a few days. Technically they should be here right now, but the time turner isn’t terribly accurate. I’m really sorry about this, I didn’t know someone lived here. This is a vacant lot in my time.”

“And it didn’t even occur to you to look up the building records? Anyway, I’m not going to let you stay here.”

Last resort time. Terry removed a gold coin with a fox carved on it from his pocket and held it up. “This was given to an associate of mine by the goblins,” Terry said. “If any harm- and that includes being marooned in past- occurs to the bearer of this coin, the goblins will find the culprit and exact terrible revenge.” The goblins, in fact, would do no such thing. Terry had carved the coin himself, and found that it sometimes came in useful with gullible people.

“I don’t believe you,” said the man.

“Do you really want to take the risk?” asked Terry.

“Fine. What’s your name?”

“Terry Boot. You?”

“Severus.”

Terry waited for a last name, but it didn’t come. Instead, Severus turned and stalked off, leaving Terry alone in the dingy kitchen.

***

Two weeks later reinforcements from the future still hadn’t arrived and Terry’s goblin amulet story was starting to wear thin.

“Remind me again why the goblins gave you this?” Severus asked.

“They didn’t give it to me, they gave it to my associate,” said Terry. “Pass the salt.” They were eating dinner in Severus’ kitchen- or, rather, Terry was eating and Severus was glaring at Terry while fiddling with his knife in a rather disturbing manner.

“Why,” Severus asked with exaggerated patience, “did they give it to your associate?”

“Accio salt. Because she did a lot of fighting for goblin rights. Started a group called ARGH-- Activists for the Restoration of Goblin Happiness.” This was actually true, but the goblins had done nothing but mock ARGH since it was created.

“Who is this associate anyway?”

“Her name is Hermione Granger. You know, Severus, it hurts when you distrust me.”

“Granger- I don’t know the name,” said Severus, ignoring Terry’s last comment.

“Well, she hasn’t been born yet.”

“No, I don’t know the name. What family is she from?”

Terry rolled his eyes. Purebloods. They were all the same. “She’s Muggleborn,” he said. “By the way, this might be an appropriate time to mention that I’m a half-blood. Sorry to have profaned your flat with my presence.”

“You'd better apologize,” Severus muttered half-heartedly.

“Wow, that’s pretty good, for a Death Eater,” said Terry. “I would have expected you to immediately torture me to death or something.”

Severus’ eyes flashed, and he raised his wand threateningly. “What makes you think I’m a Death Eater?” he demanded.

“Oh, I don’t know. It could be subtle clues in your personality. Or it could be the hugely obvious Dark Mark on your arm.”

Severus slapped his hand to his arm, then raised his glare up a few notches. “I take it that the Dark Mark is common knowledge in your time?”

“Well, yes. You’re over-reacting again, Severus. I’m not going to reveal your secret identity to anyone, although, personally-”

“Be quiet. Does that mean that the Dark Lord has been victorious in your time, and everyone bows and cowers at the approach of his loyal followers, who are recognised by the fearsome Dark Marks they bear?”

“Not exactly. More like, Voldemort-” Severus winced at the name, then glared extra hard to make up for it. Terry pretended not to notice and continued “You-know-who has been defeated, twice, and the Dark Mark tattoos are more or less common knowledge. There’s a whole unit on them in fourth year Charms at Hogwarts. I know because my cousin-”

“I don’t care about your cousin. He’s been defeated? Twice?”

“That’s right.”

“What happened to his followers?”

“Not sure. Some died. A lot of them went to Azkaban.”

Severus turned pale. Terry decided not to mention that Azkaban was now both sanitary and dementor-free thanks to the new reforms.

“All right, I’ve switched sides,” Severus declared.

Terry was taken aback. He wondered if he was changing the past, and, if so, whether the universe would now collapse. Why had he volunteered for this?

“I’ll go to Professor Dumbledore tomorrow and tell him. I feel so relieved! I finally know which side wins! I finally know what to do with myself!”

Terry frowned. “You’re switching sides just so you can be sure of winning?” he said. “That doesn’t seem to be very right. I know a few people who did that, and they’re generally regarded as snivelling traitors. There’s more to life than power, and...” Terry trailed off, abruptly realising that he was trying to talk someone out of leaving the Death Eaters.

Severus hadn’t taken any notice, anyway. He was still talking about his wonderful new decision. “And it’s all due to you, Terry!” Severus finished. He moved the table aside with a flick of his wand, then abruptly grabbed Terry and kissed him on the mouth. Terry was shocked, but it actually wasn’t so bad. In fact-

There was a bright flash of light, and Hermione Granger appeared in the centre of the room. Terry and Severus sprang apart immediately.

“Hi!” said Hermione, who apparently hadn’t noticed anything. “Terry, I’m so sorry about the inconvenience. We still haven’t worked out a way to make it perfectly accurate. Have you been here long?”

“Two weeks,” muttered Terry. He was certain his face was red. Severus looked perfectly composed, the bastard.

“Two weeks. Oh dear, we’ll have to factor that into the equations. We have invented a way to travel forwards, although it has the unfortunate side effect of turning your toenails bright orange. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Um, Hermione, this is my friend Severus,” said Terry. “Severus, this is my boss Hermione Granger.”

“The founder of ARGH?”

“Yes!” said Hermione, beaming. “Would you like to buy a badge?”

“No.”

“By the way, what’s your last name?” Hermione asked, looking only slightly crestfallen. “I know a Severus in my time.”

Terry waited, curiously. Severus’ paranoid secretiveness had prevented him from telling Terry any details about himself.

“Snape,” said Severus, shrugging.

Terry was horrified. So this was why Professor Snape had always given him funny looks when he asked a question in class. “Hermione,” Terry heard himself saying, “Let’s leave. Now.”

“But-”

“Now. Severus, I’m glad you made the right decision. We would never work out for a variety of reasons, but mostly because I’ll always think of you as my old Potions
teacher. By the way, the coin is a fake. The goblins care even less about ARGH than the House-Elves do about SPEW. Thank you for letting me stay in your flat. Hermione, I have to leave before I realize how disturbing this is.”

“Wait a minute. Are you saying-”

“We're leaving now, remember?”

“Suit yourself,” said Hermione. “Good to see you, Professor.”

There was another flash of light and they were gone. Severus stared around his flat, and realised, with surprise, that only five minutes had passed since he had decided to join the Side of Light. Definitely an eventful day. So he would teach Potions, would he? Well, he’d see about that.
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